The fitness industry has its sweaty hands on everything these days. You can’t go anywhere or do anything without seeing some form of the industry’s skewed message: exercise is good for you!
I mean, come on.
From fitness gurus on Instagram to advertisements for exercise products on TV, you can’t get away from it. What’s even scarier is that now even health professionals are in on it! I was at the doctor’s office the other day and my doctor recommended I start exercising more “for my health.”
But I won’t be fooled.
Here are eight positive things they say will happen to you if you start exercising — clearly, none of which are true!
1. You’ll Probably Become a Happier Person
Happiness? Blech. I’m just fine over here with my negative outlook on life. In fact, there’s nothing I find more invigorating than a dose of cynicism and a general disdain for everything around me.
Even so much as walking to work can cause your body to release the chemical dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain that controls your feelings of pleasure and happiness. Since when are chemicals good for you?
There’s no way anyone is going to fool me into exercising. Sounds like it’s way too easy to get hooked on it and spend the rest of your life having positive social interactions and developing a love for the world around you. As if.
2. You’ll Be Less Likely to Get Diseases
This just sounds like bad advice. Just because heart disease and stroke are the leading causes of death in the United States doesn’t mean I need to exercise more. I just don’t see how the two are connected.
They say exercising for 150 minutes each week can dramatically reduce your risk of getting these diseases. But honestly, having to get up and move for 20 minutes a day just doesn’t seem worth it. That’s 20 fewer minutes I’ll be able to spend on Facebook. Do health experts really expect people to make sacrifices like that?
Plus, spending an extended period of time in the hospital sounds great to me. All I really want to do is lie in a bed that inclines at the push of a button so I can sit up and watch my favorite television shows. Plus I won’t even have to worry about the health bills that are piling up because I’ll probably die a lot younger and then that’ll be my family’s problem!
Seriously, who do doctors think they’re fooling?
3. You’ll Get to Sleep Faster and Sleep Sounder
This is news to me. Exercise will ensure you’re actually tired when you go to bed at night so you’ll fall asleep right away? But that means I won’t inadvertently get stuck on YouTube watching Ellen videos until 4:00a.m. anymore… If I actually get to bed on time I’ll be asleep for all the hours of the day where I do nothing productive anyways!
I don’t know, just doesn’t seem worth it.
Also, apparently you’ll feel better rested in the morning. That’s even more reason for skepticism. Is this some big scam to get people to stop pumping caffeine into their bodies?